Oh and then...

...and then my little eclectic clique of blogosphere ex-schoolmates - a group of not-quite-emos but always the Out-Crowd who lurk in cyber-space and non-trendy bars on the outskirts of towns everywhere, in the same way we always lurked just on the outside of pretty much everything, got hold of it, and that's where it starts to get interesting...

BLAIRISM:
You say you think your enemy has two cows, and go to war over it.

WESTMINSTERISM:
You have two cows. You claim for them both.

ETHICAL GIFTISM:
You have two goats. They are given to a family in Africa.

FASHIONISTAS:
You have two llamas. Cows are so last year.

PARANOIA:
You have two cows. Why does the one on the right keep looking at you funny?

LIBERAL DEMOCRATS:
You have two cows. Your neighbours have 8 cows and 11 cows respectively, but you still think your cows stand a chance.

WIKIPEDIANISM:
You have two cows. Cows are green in colour and descended from horses. Their diet consists mainly of waffles with maple syrup and their favourite activities include ice skating.

OLD TESTAMENT:
You have two cows, which you are expressly told not to worship. The cows are cool, but you still secretly covet your neighbour's ass.

Some of these, of course, fit into other categories, but they are largely original and post-date the previous ones, so are collected somewhat randomly here.