It's Been A While...

STARBUCKS
You have two cows, although for tax purposes you don't have any.

TAX AVOIDANCE
You have two cows. They are officially domiciled in the Cayman Islands.

GOOGLE
You have two cows, but you tell the tax man they are sheep. You argue this is perfectly legal under international law and everybody is doing it.

IMPROVED NHS SERVICES
You have two cows. This allows you to choose between the two, even though there doesn't seem to be much difference between them, because choice is important.

WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER
You have two cows. You evict them from their barn for not being able to afford the extra charge they owe on the empty stall after a third cow died.

PAOLO DI CANIO
You have two cows, but argue this has nothing to do with your abilities as a manager.

DAMIEN HIRST
You have two cows. You cut them in half for no conceivable reason and call it Art. Everyone hails you a genius.

WIMBLEDON
You have two cows. They go out in the first round. It rains.

SALLY BERCOW
Why is everyone talking about cows? *Innocent face*.

ESPECIALLY FOR MY FRIEND RHODA
We have a goat. Our alternative lifestyle collective is complete.

Inevitable New Entries

FOOD SCANDAL
You have two cows. They turn out to be horses.

UK BORDER AGENCY
You have a cow, which you declare not fit for purpose. You split it into two cows, and wait for the inevitable.

IAIN DUNCAN SMITH
You have two cows. One lives in big, warm barn next to a lush, green field, the other in a shed in a dirty yard. You visit the one in the shed, take its milk away because you think there's room in the shed for at least one more cow, chop its front legs off and tell it we're all in this together.

CLASS SYSTEM
You traditionally had three cows. Now you have seven. Apparently.